When you first get together with someone, everything seems like roses to you. Your love life is, literally, full of fireworks. As you begin to settle into the relationship, you may find that you enjoy the companionship, but miss the excitement of the first days. It seems like honeymoon period is over! Does it really mean that your love has come to an end?You find that you begin to wonder if he still loves you…Well, the good news is, today you’re going to learn 7 tips that you can apply in your relationship right away to keep the romance alive.
Hi, ladies, if you’re reading this, then you probably know that marriage is far from that fantasy you had as a little girl, of being swept away by your perfect Prince Charming who would carry you off to your perfect new home for a perfect life together.
What’s funny about all the fairy tales and Disney movies is that the curtain comes down just after the happy couple rides off into the sunset together. Well, of course that’s where it ends… at “the happy ending.” If the movie kept on going, you’d probably see Cinderella a year or two from now, covered in spitup, can’t seem to drop the baby weight, exhausted from lack of sleep and silently fuming at hubby who is hiding in the garage drinking beer and surfing porn! Continue reading
Hi, ladies! You know that there’s nothing wrong in making mistakes because you can then learn from these mistakes and move on. However, do you know that we can sometimes make mistakes in our relationships as well?
It’s vital to know what are some mistakes that we make so that we do not unconsciously commit them and end up ruining an otherwise wonderful marriage.Mistakes are going to be made in every relationship whether it’s while dating, during marriage or the friendship state. How we handle these mistakes can go a long way in preventing a small misunderstanding from escalating into a full blown argument. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, mistakes happen – but there seems to be certain mistakes that are more common to women. Studies have revealed that women feel a more emotional connection to the mistake/problem at hand and tend to take it more seriously.Men on the other hand would rather withdraw and let time heal the misunderstanding. He feels if the problem is ignored, it will go away. Perhaps this goes back to the old belief that men are tough and it’s not a manly thing to delve into emotional issues.Okay, we agree that mistakes are made on both sides of a marriage; but now let’s point a finger at those mistakes more commonly made by women. The first thing a marriage councilor will tell you is that communicating is foremost in maintaining a good relationship. So is timing…
If the husband comes home after a hard day’s work and you immediately hit him with a problem before he’s had time to get comfortable in his castle, you may not get the response you desire.
The same goes for television viewing. At least wait for the commercial to come on before you spring a problem on him, especially if his favorite team is behind with only a minute left to play.Sorry ladies, but you’re also more likely to criticize than men. When confronting your husband, ask yourself if you’re criticizing and giving advice or if you’re genuinely seeking a solution.
Why is criticism a bad thing?
Criticizing can turn into nagging and then you’ve really got a problem in getting cooperation from your husband. If you’ve made it clear what you want and what needs to be done, constant nagging is not going to get it done any sooner. Being demanding is a definite a no-no. So what should you do instead?Remain sweet, gentle and pleasantly persuasive is the way to go!And, it must be said: don’t use sex as a weapon because this could really turn into a dispute and that puts an end to negotiations. A faithful husband will, as he should, come to you for intimacy. If he’s refused because he failed to give in to your demands, he feels hurt and vulnerable. This is a power you have over him he doesn’t like to be reminded of. Besides, many battles have been won in the bedroom. Finally, don’t demand to know everything he does and where he was every minute he was out of your sight. This only shows your insecurity. Being interested in your husband’s activities is different from being nosy and possessive. For instance, you could ask him how was his day when he gets home from work and listen to him attentively as he recounts his day’s events to you. That is showing your love for him.On the other hand, if you snap at him and ask him who it was whenever his phone rings or try to peek at his text messages, you’re being possessive. Your actions show that you do not trust him and it can be very tiring for your husband if you’re suspicious of him all the time. Don’t demand to be part of his every moment. Both of you need time apart to become your own person. The best way to allow a relationship to bloom is to allow space for each other. You can each have your own separate lives while being happily married to each other.Your takeaway…Being aware of these mistakes can go a long way toward a pleasant relationship. You’re both different. Accept this and love him anyway. If you can’t, your marriage will not be able to last.
Hi, have you heard of a marriage retreat and do you wonder how it can help your marriage?Professionals call them marriage retreats but in fact, it could be a giant step forward for you and your spouse. This is a great opportunity for both of you to step back and re-evaluate as well as rediscover each other. It’s also a good time for you to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage.Marriage retreats are carried out in many forms and fashions. Some of them are based on religions and some are not. Others combine the spiritual need with the secular. Retreats can be offered as a group therapy where a few sets of marriage couples get to discuss and work on their marriage together. If you are the kind who prefer having more people around you, this kind of retreats will be more suitable for you.
There are also agencies which organize retreats on individual basis depending on your needs and your degree of openness. Such retreats are suitable for couples who are more shy and prefer not to have too many people around when they are trying to work on their relationship.
How does marriage retreat help?
Different retreats have different goals and methods. Some advocate that marriage should be preserved at any price. Others teach that there are times when it’s best to dissolve the relationship and move forward. So it’s up to you to decide which is more suitable for you.One thing in common is that almost all therapists urge you to put the past behind you and start living again. You’re encouraged to anticipate the future as you build it together. This is important if you want to successfully save your marriage.There can be many reasons why anyone would want to join a marriage retreat. You may be experiencing physical and emotional abuse or a lack of intimacy. One or the other could have been unfaithful and forgiveness seems unthinkable. Or, it could be a case of mid-life crises. All these problems are real and solvable with proper love, commitment and determination to approach them together as a team.First off, you need to examine your marriage and be honest with yourself. Are the two of you constantly arguing, fighting and being hurt? Do you feel alone, lost, frustrated and angry? Do you wonder why you ever thought marriage could be blissful and are now considering separation or even divorce?Marriage retreats offer you, first of all, a chance to get away from the demands of everyday pressures. These events are usually held in beautiful and serene surroundings conducive for relaxation and inspiration. It provides you with an environment to rekindle your love as you understand why you’re feeling as you are. You’ll also learn how to enhance your marriage even though you feel that the differences in your character, personality and even the perception of what’s important are drastically diverse. The need for rediscovering each other and what drew you together in the first place has never been greater.Marriage retreat therapists are skilled in helping you understand and resolving your differences and allowing you to gain insight into your particular situation while teaching how to effectively communicate. You’ll learn skills of communicating in a fair and focused manner. Remember, it’s a team effort and support will be given to you both.Now that you know how a marriage retreat can help you save your marriage, how do you know when is the best time to seek help rebuilding your relationship?The time to seek help is when you first detect a deterioration of your marriage but retreats can be helpful even if you’ve tied a knot at the end of your rope and you’re trying to hang on. Retreats are not a miracle cure but it provides you a path in the right direction. Some are expensive and some merely ask for a donation. So the best thing you can do now is to talk it over with your spouse and decide which is best for you. A retreat could be the best step forward you will take.
Hi, ladies! Are you and husband facing some financial issues and it’s starting to affect your relationship? Both of you seem to be constantly quarreling over money and you’re wondering if that’s what marriage is all about?I totally understand what you’re going through now. Having been married for over 19 years, my husband and I have experienced financial woes which almost cost us our marriage. Fortunately, we were able to tide over the difficulty and our relationship is now stronger than before.Before tying the knot, you would have heard that a marriage іѕ thе best thing thаt саn happen tо two people іn love. It іѕ true, provided thе spouses understand each оthеr аnd аrе aware оf thе responsibilities thаt come wіth marriage. Married life саn suffer а setback for many reasons and one of which is when thеrе аrе financial issues іn а relationship аnd thе partners do nоt work іt оut properly tо solve thеѕе problems. In studies conducted bу experts, financial issues have bееn found to be one оf thе top reasons fоr а divorce. Sо, іt’ѕ always better tо bе aware оf financial problems, іf аnу, аnd find effective ways tо deal wіth thеm.Below are 8 tips to help you handle some of the financial difficulties you may be facing in your marriage…
8 Monetary Problems You May Face аnd Thеіr Solutions
Problem #1: Handling Finance After Marriage
Thіѕ іѕ one оf thе basic issues thаt married couples face. Thеу аrе nоt clear аbоut whоѕе salary ѕhоuld bе used fоr household expenses аnd whоѕе ѕhоuld go іn fоr savings. Lack оf planning leads tо confusion, ultimately resulting іn quarrels bеtwееn а couple.
Couples ѕhоuld try different ways tо handle thеіr finances аnd check whісh one works thе best fоr thеm. Aссоrdіng tо surveys, аrоund 64% оf couples have joint accounts, 14% оf thеm have separate accounts, аnd 18% оf couples have bоth joint аѕ wеll аѕ separate accounts. Thеrе іѕ no particular method tо handle finances; іt depends оn а couple аѕ tо how muсh thеу want tо spend аnd how muсh thеу want tо save. Sо, both of you should sit down and decide how to make thе best call fоr уоur future. This is best done early on but it’s never too late to start discussing now.
Problem #2: Excessive Spending
Amоng thе various money-related problems affecting а marriage, spending habit іѕ а contentious issue. In many marriages, one оf thе partners іѕ inclined tо shop аnd spend more thаn thе total earnings. Sometimes, this spending even exceeds the total monthly earnings. With loans and credit cards being easily available, many couples may find themselves in debts with mounting bills that they have to pay off each month.
Couples ѕhоuld fix а budget fоr thе month аnd keep track ѕо thаt thе expenditure does nоt exceed thе limit. Aѕ far аѕ possible, the uѕе оf multiple credit cards ѕhоuld bе avoided. Whеn going thrоugh tough financial times, couples need tо cut down оn entertainment аnd leisure expenses. Both partner should also refrain from buying unnecessary things.You can reward yourself by spending on entertainment and other such leisure expenses after you’ve managed to improve your finances. You can do that either by trying to save more money each month or take on a part time job to make some extra income on top of your monthly income.I remember during the time when we were going through some financial difficulties, I took on tuition classes in the evening to supplement our household income so that it’ll be less stressful for my husband. It took us around two years before we could afford to reward ourselves with leisure such as going for a movie or taking the kids out for pizza!In your case, you may want to take on other forms of extra jobs to make more money. In fact, if you’re unable to leave the house because you have young children, you can consider making money online. However, this is only possible if you you have internet connection at home and a computer.In fact, I’ve since stopped giving tuition because I want to spend more time with my kids, so I’ve also turned to the internet for an extra income stream. You too can give it a try!
Problem #3: Mounting Debts
Sоmеtіmеѕ whіlе making hasty decisions, sometimes married couples tend tо apply fоr house loans оr car loans wіthоut figuring оut thеіr repayment capacity.
Aраrt frоm thаt, ѕоmе аrе even іn а habit оf using credit cards іn excess in order to make payment for such purchases. Thіѕ negligence іn handling money leads tо rising debts whісh becomes difficult tо repay іn future.
Before taking the loan, both couple should access their finances carefully to ensure that they are able to repay the amount without too much stress. Start by setting realistic goals for your dream house and think twice bеfоrе applying fоr loans аnd pledging assets wіth thе lenders. And, іf bоth thе spouses аrе working, thеу ѕhоuld contribute equally tо pay off thе loans.If you have already taken the loans and suddenly find that repayment is a difficulty, try to negotiate with the lenders for a longer repayment period so that your monthly repayment is less. If that is not possible, then use my recommendations in #3 and source for a way to earn extra income. It may be tiring and tough when you have to work very hard to repay the loans, but if both spouse are able to work together, the problem will be resolved very soon. You just need to bear with it for the moment and give each other support. You’ll grow to be stronger and closer at the end of it.
Problem #4: Improper Investments
In order tо lead а settled life, couples have tо think аbоut thеіr future аnd secure іt. Investment done inappropriately іѕ one оf thе prime factors tо bе looked into, еѕресіаllу whеn уоu have а family tо take care оf. Fоr thіѕ, couples have tо make precise investments аnd whіlе doing ѕо, thеу have tо bе careful аѕ іt might bе а risky affair.
Couples ѕhоuld figure оut thе investment goal аnd time frame, аnd make sure tо review thеіr investments аt lеаѕt once а year. Discuss with other and refrain from making hasty decisions that will send your finances into difficulty.
It’s also important to note that you should not make decision on your own because if both of you had agreed on the decision together, no one party will be able to blame the other in future!
Problem #5: Unnecessary Expenses
Love іѕ blind аnd people іn love know no boundaries whеn іt comes tо spending fоr each оthеr. Thеу tend tо buy expensive stuff іn order tо please thеіr respective partners.
Thіѕ act оf unwanted splurging may be fine before marriage and can even attract the partner but once you’re married, this can cause problems, аnd very often couples will start blaming each оthеr fоr mismanagement оf money.
In order tо avoid financial hassles, couples ѕhоuld refrain thеmѕеlvеѕ frоm buying expensive gifts аnd going fоr lavish holidays. Aѕ іѕ rightly said “cut уоur coat ассоrdіng tо уоur cloth” couples ѕhоuld spend ассоrdіng tо thеіr financial capacity.
Problem #6: Crisis
An unstable monetary situation can arise due tо thе lack оf savings fоr уоur future uѕе. An accident, а major illness оr аn unexpected pink slip, оr аnу оthеr emergency are the various situations whісh may require уоu tо dole оut а large sum оf money and all these саn land уоu іn peril.
These situations аrе unavoidable аnd саn nеvеr bе predicted. Sо, іnѕtеаd оf waiting fоr thе problem tо arise, couples ѕhоuld keep thеmѕеlvеѕ prepared fоr thе bad times.
Thеу ѕhоuld make sure thаt thеу have аn emergency savings account and ѕhоuld plan thеіr monthly savings together along wіth а target amount tо bе saved еvеrу month, ѕо thаt thеу have еnоugh іn hand whеn а sudden need arises.
“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.“
~ Nicholas Sparks
Problem #7: Ego Clashes
In this day and age, women have caught uр wіth men іn еvеrу field аnd some may even be the breadwinners of the house. In fact, іn many households, wе саn find women earning more thаn men whісh hurts thе male ego tо а great extent, аnd іf а man іѕ suddenly turned jobless, thеn thе situation can get even worse. In ѕuсh cases, іt may become rеаllу difficult tо save thе relationship, аѕ bоth partners have thеіr self-pride аnd none оf thеm іѕ ready tо swallow their pride and give in to the other. Very often, couples end up quarrelling and the relationship may turn sour.
Marriage іѕ а union оf two souls, ѕо couples ѕhоuld treat each оthеr аѕ one. Tо avoid ego clashes, men ѕhоuld see situations іn а broader perspective, аnd іnѕtеаd оf getting offended bу thеіr wives’ earnings, thеу ѕhоuld encourage thеm tо work. After аll, thе income wіll eventually bе used fоr thе family.If both spouses can discuss the situation calmly, they may even come to a compromise that the wife work while the man stay home to look after the children. It’s definitely not a hard and fast rule that it must be the wife who stays home.
In fact, there are men who are already taking on the role of a stay-at-home dad! All you need to do is to be more open-minded and a willingness to adapt to changes.
Problem #8: Keeping Financial Secrets
Thіѕ іѕ undoubtedly one оf thе biggest financial problems іn а marriage. Many spouses аrе seen hiding thеіr financial documents, bank account statements аnd information аbоut thеіr assets, whісh саn bе frustrating fоr thе оthеr spouse. It can be seen as a mistrust for the other partner.
It іѕ always better tо speak thе truth, аnd show аll уоur financial details tо уоur partner. Bу doing ѕо, уоur other half wоuld bе аblе tо suggest ways оf dealing wіth finances, іf need bе.
However, in other for that to happen, both of you must trust each other. You do not need to combine all your money in the same account if you do not wish to but there should not be any secrets about it either.
6 Tips To Keep In Mind When Managing Family Finances
1. A family begins wіth ‘Wе’ аnd nоt ‘I’. Sо, whіlе dealing wіth money matters, always remember thаt уоu ѕhоuld think fоr thе wеll-being оf уоur family. 2. If уоur problems аrе tоо big, you may want to consider taking suggestions frоm а financial planner.3. Whеn both of уоu commit tо managing finances, you must both take responsibility to fulfill іt bесаuѕе you’re both planning for the future of the family.4. Think bеfоrе уоu spend, bесаuѕе money ѕhоuld bе used wisely.5. Try tо avoid interference frоm relatives іn уоur family finances (іf аnу). This interference will only lead to more conflicts between both of you.6. Dоn’t bе jealous оf а higher-earning spouse. Inѕtеаd, motivate уоur partner tо do wеll іn hіѕ career аnd in the meantime, you can try to earn even more.Marriage іѕ а lifetime commitment, ѕо nеvеr ignore thе petty issues. Financial issues саn bе resolved easily, ѕо do nоt waste time quarreling over іt as this will only lead to a further drift in your marriage. Instead, both of you should sit and find a solution. You will be able to solve the financial problems if you stand together and give each other support.
To your happiness!Stella 😉
You feel your relationship is suffering a little and you think both of you aren’t on the same wavelength anymore.You think the marriage is worth saving, but you don’t know how to bridge the gap between you both to rebuild the intimacy you desire.Does this scenario sounds like your relationship?If you feel the relationship is worth saving and worth the effort to get it to grow, there are some things you can do in order to heal the wounds and move forward together as a strong couple.Here are 6 tips you can start applying in your relationship starting from today…
1. Talk things out with each other.
Always let your partner know what your feelings are, what you want out of life and things you would like to do. You have to remember that he can’t read your mind and will need you to tell him what you want.If he doesn’t know, how is he going to give you what you need in the relationship?Don’t expect him to guess what you want, because that’ll only add on to your misery and it’ll not bring you both closer. In the long run, it may even cause your relationship to turn sour.
2. Be open and honest.
Don’t waste time and effort trying to play mind games with your partner. You can’t expect him to read between the lines and know that when you say, “I’m fine,” it really means you’re fuming inside.The longer you take to get the truth to the surface, the longer it will be until you’re in a truly happy marriage.
3. Trust one another.
Trust is what makes a relationship grow into a healthy one and allows intimacy to come into play. Without trust, a relationship will only continue on a destructive path and prevent true intimacy from becoming a part of your partnership.
4. Spend some “we” time together as a couple.
By this, I mean time without your family and friends tagging along with you. In order for a relationship to flourish, it needs you to spend a little time with each other – basically getting to know one another – and what your likes and dislikes are.When you feel you know your partner well enough, intimacy will come much easier when others aren’t trying to get in your way. And don’t think that just because you’ve known your partner for 15 years, then you still know what it is he likes and don’t like – people change over time and so do their preferences.
5. Go on a romantic trip together.
Pick a spot that you can have some fun together while getting to know your lover a little more. A trip can help eliminate stress in a relationship and allows you to be more yourself with your partner.You can be more relaxed with him, which breaks down the walls and allows intimacy to come through. Also, couples who took vacations reported a happier marriage overall than those who hadn’t been on a trip together in the last six years.
6. Be flexible with each other.
You’ll need a little give and take in your relationship. If you expect your partner to go to a play with you when they’re not interested in the activity, then you should be willing to do something with him that you’re not interested in. Give and take is an excellent way to build intimacy in your marriage.
Building intimacy doesn’t have to be that hard to do. As long as both partners work to bridge the gap, they can build a healthy relationship that could involve a healthy level of closeness and compatibility.Even if your partner does not seem to be putting in any effort to improve the relationship, you can always make the first move. Pick one of the tips above to try out and over time, he’ll reciprocate.To your happiness!Stella 🙂
This program is created by Brad Browning and it had helped many couples from all around the world to save their marriages, even when only one partner had wanted to salvage the relationship initially.
Below is a review of what the program is all about and I hope it’ll help you decide on whether it’ll help you to mend your marriage as well…Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program is easily the most comprehensive and most effective guide to stopping divorce and saving your marriage. After reviewing a number of similar products, I recommend “Mend the Marriage” as a perfect choice for anyone facing a marriage crisis.When I first stumbled across Brad Browning’s new “Mend The Marriage” program, I thought it would be more or less the same as all the other similar products for sale on the internet. Boy, was I wrong. This is one seriously awesome program, and I’m confident that it will give anyone whose marriage is ‘on the rocks’ the best possible chance of turning things around and living happily ever after with their spouse.
First of all, “Mend the Marriage” is easily the most thorough and comprehensive guide I’ve seen. It leaves no stones unturned: you may think that your situation is unique, and that any book on the topic can’t possibly address the issues you’re facing.
Well, with “Mend the Marriage”, that’s definitely not the case! Brad has covered every possible scenario and “what if,” meaning that by the time you’ve finished reading the program, your questions are almost certain to have been answered in depth.Not only is it the most comprehensive program, it’s also the only guide I’ve found that actually provides hundreds of real-world examples on how to apply Brad’s techniques. Brad’s chapter on how to handle arguments with your spouse, for example, has a bunch of incredibly effective and innovative techniques that will resolve conflicts quickly and without any lingering hard feelings… and the whole book is full of this kind of stuff. Brad calls these “Immediate Impact Actions” — things you can do to make an immediate positive difference.Perhaps most importantly, it’s very clear that the psychological techniques recommended in “Mend the Marriage” have been researched and tested by men and women in the real world. Brad Browning is an experienced marriage coach, and his time working with married couples facing divorce is very evident throughout the book. He also includes a number of “Ask the Counselor” boxes where a certified couples counselor weighs in on a variety of hot topics.
Brad claims that almost all marriages can be salvaged, even if things seem hopeless right now… and while that may sound impossible at first, I actually tend to think he’s being completely honest. It’s no stretch to imagine that, as he states on his website, anyone who reads and applies his techniques is almost guaranteed to see dramatic improvements in their marriage. The testimonials on his website are clear evidence that this program works, too.What about the program itself?
The core of the program is a 240 page e-book, professionally written & presented. There’s also an audio version and an excellent 7-part video series, plus three bonus e-books and some handy team-building worksheets. I found the audio version to be very useful as you could listen to them even when you’re on the move.The best part? It’s all available *instantly* from Brad’s website… there’s no shipping fees and no waiting around for the postman, because you can download the entire program within 2 minutes of ordering. That’s great news, considering that when you’re trying to stop divorce and win back your partner’s love, time is of the essence!If you’re ready to get instant access to all of Brad’s sneaky psychological tips and techniques, head over to his website and watch the free video presentation now. Trust me, you won’t regret it… and it might just make the difference between “divorced and lonely” and “happily ever after”.
To your happiness!Stella 😉
Here’s another love letter that I’ve prepared for you and you can use it to surprise your lover anytime you feel like it…Although you can simply print out the love letter below, my suggestion is that you copy it out on a beautifully designed card or paper. It actually shows your love and sincerity when you give your loved one a handwritten piece of letter instead of a printed copy.Also, you could change out some wordings to suit your situation, for instance, in the last paragraph, I mentioned “On this Valentine’s Day…”. If you’re not giving this to your lover on Valentine’s Day, you’ll want to switch that out with “On this Wedding Anniversary…” or simply “On this day…” to fit the occasion.Hope you find it useful!To your happiness!Stella 😉
When you first get together with someone, everything comes up as roses. Your love life is, literally, full of fireworks.As you begin to settle into the marriage, you may find that you enjoy the companionship, but miss the excitement of the courtship days.While you can be new to each other all over again, there are things that you can do to keep the romance alive and to keep your husband interested…
1. Keep things in the bedroom exciting
It is easy to fall into a sexual rut. In the early phase of a relationship, sex is hot. As you settle into the relationship, it may become a routine. But, it’s not difficult to revive your sex life – and it’s a lot of fun!One complaint is that you always use the same positions. Get out the Karma Sutra (or just the Joy of Sex) and see if some acrobatics doesn’t get the blood flowing again.If you have a routine where you always have sex at the same time (wash your face, brush your teeth, have sex…), try mixing up the time a little. Have sex in the morning.Meet for a lunch time quickie. The memories of the unusual timing when you had sex will make the standard times even more enthralling.Similarly, if you have an erotic desire at an “inconvenient time,” fulfill it. Drag him to bed when he’s in the middle of reading the papers. If he gets some food on his face, lick it off. See where it leads.Don’t let sex fall into a routine. Take turns being the giver and the receiver. Use massage to let hands wander where they normally wouldn’t.And use both verbal and non-verbal cues to let your partner know when they’ve done something different that you like.Have sex anywhere but the bedroom for a month. You will find the excitement of the taboo making your relationship tick again. Even having sex in a different room of your house will shake things up.Make a point of taking showers together a couple of times a week. While you may or may not end up having stand up sex, there is something erotic about washing each other and caring for each other. A very romantic alternative is to take a bubble bath together.Another tip to keep romance alive is to go to bed at the same time. Many times, one partner likes to stay up later than the other.
But the time right before you go to sleep is excellent for pillow talk which keeps you emotionally connected. You are also more likely to have sex if you are both in the same room at the same time!If you have really fallen into a rut, skip sex for a while. You could even try “Kosher Sex” where there is no touching between men and women for two weeks a month. By the time you get back into bed together, you’re ready!
2. The Attraction Factor
Many times after a couple has been together for a while, one or both partners fail to take care of their appearance. Instead of dressing nicely and putting on make up, she lounges around the house plain faced and in sweats. He doesn’t bother to shave on the weekends.When you do this, you are sending a message that being attractive to your partner is no longer important.You are taking him for granted. If you were trying to impress a new partner, you certainly would work harder than you are. So, do no less for the person you love.As we age, we have to work harder at keeping up appearances. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthwhile to color the grey, work out to maintain your weight, and do what is necessary to make yourself attractive.Additionally, sometimes grooming habits can become sloppy when someone becomes comfortable with a partner. A man might not brush his teeth every night or a woman might skip shaving her legs for days. Doing these basic things is a requirement in every relationship.Having said this, it is important for people to know that they are still attractive as they age. Men need to know that losing their hair doesn’t make them any less a catch. But, women are especially vulnerable to the ravages of age.You need to let your partner know that you still find him attractive after all of this time. Tell him in words and show him in touch.After a woman has a baby, she wonders whether a man can find her attractive. She’s put on weight, now has stretch marks, and her breasts are baby chewed. Is it any wonder that she’s reluctant to jump back into bed?
While hormones can play a part in a woman’s reluctance to take up sex again after a baby is born, a woman’s insecurities are also at play.After you’ve had a baby, make sure you let your partner know that you want him to tell you in words that he still finds you beautiful and sexy. You can drop him messages to suggest to him.Ask him questions like, “Am I still beautiful?” Or rub your stretch marks and moan that they are ugly. If he’s sensitive to your needs, he’ll reassure you that he’ll love you no matter what.
3. Couples who talk about sex are half as likely to have an affair
It’s not enough to be getting laid occasionally. Sex takes up only the briefest portion of our lives. But, there’s no limit to the amount of time we can spend talking about it!You regularly talk about work, the kids, bills you need to pay. But, in our slightly Puritanical culture, we often don’t put sex on our regular conversation list.For a relationship to succeed you have to have an open line of communication and be able to talk about ANYTHING. Poor communication can destroy any relationship.Talking about sex can be sexy. It’s a wonderful thing to reminisce about the good times.But, there are times when you need to talk about the problems in your sex life. If you are not enjoying sex, you need to let your partner know that too.When you talk about sexual problems in your relationship, be careful not to criticize your partner. This is an issue for both of you and fault does not lie with one party. It is something you need to work on together.You shouldn’t be pushy about the issue. Make sure that your spouse has had the time to digest what you have told him before you bring the issue up again.You need to be a good listener. While you may perceive a problem one way, your partner may have an entirely different take on the matter. You probably aren’t the only one to perceive that there is a problem, but your spouse may not have been able to bring the subject up.Once you have opened the door, he may be able to comment on it. Who knows, you may find that it is you that has the problem!
4. Celebrate special occasions
Once you have been together long enough to have an anniversary, you need to start celebrating special occasions. When you are in a relationship of any length, things become routine. Special occasions become a time for you to step outside of your routine and celebrate your relationship.Watch your wedding video or look through your wedding photo album together. It will help to bring back memories of the special day that you had forgotten.If you are only going to get dressed to the nines and eat at the finest restaurant once a year, make it your anniversary. This emphasizes that your relationship is worth making a big deal out of.Another idea is to relive your first date. If you had worn a red dress on that first date, pick out one of a similar color. Try to recapture the excitement of the first time you were together.If you have the money, have a weekend getaway for your anniversary. Go to a romantic bed and breakfast or just go camping under the stars and zip your sleeping bags together. You can spend money on Dom Pérignon or on weenies and marshmallows.The point is that you are spending some quality time together away from home. Just remember to arrange for a trusted babysitter to take care of your kids while you were away!If it is a milestone anniversary, (1st or any that ends in a 5 or 0), plan a party to share your love with all of your friends and family.
5. Have a weekly date night
When you work, have kids, and have all of the responsibilities that life brings, it’s hard to spend quality time with your spouse. That’s why it is so important to have a weekly date night.If you can get a relative to sit with the kids for free, that’s ideal. You might also consider swapping date nights with another couple where you watch their kids one Tuesday and they watch yours the next so that you get two free evenings a month.If you have to pay for a sitter, it is going to cut into the money that you have for a date experience, but there are a number of free or low cost things you can do together.If the kids are at someone else’s house, your date night can be at home.If you are going to stay home, you can have a movie marathon of movies from the year you met. Watch the movie that won the Best Picture Academy award and the one that won the Razzies Award for worst picture.You can play dress up and have a formal dinner at home. Or, read poetry in front of the fire while sipping wine and eating strawberries or cheese.If your date night takes you out on the town, consider going to the museum on the free night – most museums have at least one free or reduced price evening a month. Go to the farmer’s market and eat food from vendors there.Go to a karaoke bar and sing “your song.”Take a picnic to the beach at sunset and then take a moonlit stroll.The possibilities for cheap date nights are endless. Make a commitment to spend this time together.
6. Play Hooky from Work
Do you remember the times you ditched your sixth period class to go hang out with the person you had a crush on? While you can’t do it too often, playing hooky from work can jumpstart a relationship.Plan to have some kind of excuse that requires you to leave the office at noon. That will give you time to have a leisurely lunch, a romantic encounter, and still be done before the kids get home from school.Playing hooky also tells your partner that while you take your work seriously, they are important to you too. When you are climbing the corporate ladder, it is still important to take time out for the people you love.
7. Be Aware of Flash Points in Your Relationship
There are certain points in every couple’s life that are triggers for one partner to have an affair. When you are aware of the possibility that the relationship could break and you address these points through good communication, you can save yourself the heartbreak of an affair.For instance, when a woman has just had a baby, the man may decide to have an affair. There are many reasons for this. He may have trouble seeing his wife as a sexual being.Another issue is that the husband may be jealous of all of the attention the new mother is paying to the baby. He may go looking for a little mothering himself in the arms of another woman.Of course, you might not feel all that sexual yourself and may not be encouraging intercourse. The work involved in having a new baby can leave people with no energy for sex. New babies are also a financial drain and the stress of not having enough money can affect a couple’s desire for one another.Having another person – the baby – in the house can be a turn off in and of itself. Couples should talk about how having a baby affects your sexual feelings.Ironically, having your children leave home can be as much of a stress on your sex life as having them come into the world in the first place. The empty nest syndrome can leave one or both partners feeling purposeless.This empty feeling can result in one partner, often the woman, looking for reassurance in the bed of another person.
When elderly parents move into the home, it can put many strains on a relationship. There are new demands on the household. Additionally, one person may resent having the other partner’s extended family intruding on their lives. Again, talking about feelings can help. Counseling may also be needed.When someone loses their job, they may feel a loss of personal power. They may need an ego boost. And, being with someone who finds them attractive may serve to give them some false confidence.When your spouse loses a job, make sure that you reassure him that you still find him attractive and important. Don’t nag as that will drive him away.Financial crisis of all kinds can lead to affairs. Money tends to be the number one problem in relationships, so it is no mystery that a financial crisis would cause a crisis in the marriage. Be open about the money problems you are having and work together to find solutions that you can live with.Retirement is another time in one’s life where a person feels vulnerable. If your career has been what defines you, suddenly being at loose ends can throw you. You might seek to be redefined through having an affair with another (usually younger) person other than your spouse. When your spouse retires, have an open conversation about what is going on in this new phase of life.Finally, when a partner comes down with a long term illness, whether it is physical or mental, the stress of caring for the other person can lead to a partner seeking uncomplicated solace somewhere else. If you are the partner with the illness, bring up the issue of sexual and emotional support with the other person.Hopefully, none of these flash points apply to your life, but it’s always best to be prepared so that you’ll know what to do if and when it happens.
8. Keep Your Own Friends
Couples can become so wrapped up in each other’s lives that they neglect their own circle of friends. When you have no friends other than your partner, you are limited in what you will do.For instance, it is not possible for your partner to share all of your interests. Not many men want to discuss the latest scrapbooking patterns. Men are more likely to enjoy activities that involve the great outdoors. It’s nice to have a girlfriend who will go with you to the latest shopping mall in town when he’d prefer not to go.Women tend to need to see friends frequently. It is not uncommon for women to get together to shop, have children’s play groups, or have lunch. A woman may see or talk on the phone with her best friend on a daily basis.Men tend to need to see their buddies less frequently. A guy might consider his best friend to be someone he sees three times a year. But his friend is someone whom he can count on when he needs him.A man’s best friend may be someone he goes camping with every spring and sees a couple of times for lunch during the year.Additionally, friends provide a stress release valve. When you have to be everything to your partner, you can feel overwhelmed. When your partner has someone whom he can talk to about both daily life and particular interests, there is not as much pressure for you to be everything for him.Even when you are “best friends” with your partner, develop a circle of friends who can support you in other ways. Your marriage will be stronger for it.
9. Talk to Your Partner Every Day
When you first fell in love, you probably couldn’t imagine that there was a time when you wouldn’t talk to the person every single day. But, now even though you live together, sometimes you can find no time to have a conversation.One of the keys to keeping your romance alive is to have time every day when you can talk. Asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home doesn’t count. You should set aside at least fifteen minutes a day to have a real conversation.If you don’t have children, making a point of having a sit down dinner each evening can be an excellent way to connect. If first thing in the morning works better for you, have a sit down breakfast instead.If you do have children present at meals, taking a walk every day after dinner not only lets you have a chance to chat, but you also get a little exercise!At the very least, get together at the end of the day and spend a few minutes in bed making pillow talk before one or both of you goes to sleep.It is important to have a few minutes every day when you know you are going to be able to connect to your partner.
10. Reach Out and Touch
Between your telephone, your cell phone for texts, and email, you should be able to send a love message to your spouse during the day. If you see a news story that he might be interested in, email it to him. Text him when you find out that his baseball team just won their playoff game.If you know that something stressful is happening that day, give him a little moral support. For instance, 15 minutes before his big presentation, send him a text telling him that you know he’ll do great. If he has his annual review at 2:00, call him at 3:00 and ask him if he wants to talk about it.When you use the electronics at your disposal to keep in touch, you send the very serious message that you love your partner and that you are thinking about him even when you’re not around. This kind of connection will strengthen the marriage.I know that I love receiving text messages from my husband telling me that he misses me. Sometimes, he’ll also send me an e-card to show his love for me or to tell me that he’s thinking of me. It just adds a smile to my otherwise hectic day at work.
11. Show Your Appreciation
You can show your appreciation for your partner in ways big and small. For instance, after he takes out the trash, simply saying “thanks for taking out the trash” not only reinforces the behavior, it lets him know that you appreciate the role he is playing in maintaining the house.When a spouse goes out of his way to do a big job, it is especially important to show your appreciation. For instance, if he stayed up late typing up an important sales report for you, bring him a cup of coffee and sit with him while he works or take him out to dinner the next day.Making a routine of appreciation is a good idea. Just giving him a quick kiss every time he comes home from work is a powerful signal that you appreciate him in your life.Make a point of telling him you love him at least once a day. Be creative, but make sure that before he goes to sleep at night that he’s heard it at least once.Do creative or innovative things once in a while to show you appreciate your spouse. For instance, write “I love you” with one of your old lipsticks on the bathroom mirror when you know he’ll be going in to wash up. Or, put a love note in his sack lunch.You can also go out of your way to do something your partner enjoys but you hate. He’ll sense your appreciation for him when you present him with tickets to the soccer match if he loves soccer but it puts you asleep. You’ll score even more points if you stay awake during the match!Make a point of showing your appreciation for your partner often and in a variety of ways.
12. Be Loving In Front of Your Kids
Some people restrict their Public Displays of Affection. While draping yourself all over your spouse’s body at McDonalds might be uncalled for, showing your kids that you love each other is important.First of all, it shows that mommy and daddy have a special relationship and it is different from the relationship between parents and children.Second, it alleviates their fears that you are going to separate. They have many friends whose parents have divorced. When your kids see you hold hands and kiss, they have visible proof that you are still in love and that their family is secure.Finally, it models loving behavior that they will take with them into their own marriages. One of the best things you can do for your kids is to give them a firm foundation for building their own families one day.
Falling in love is relatively easy. Staying in love takes more work. If you make the effort to keep the romance alive, your relationship will flourish.Think of your relationship as a garden. If it is neglected, ugly weeds will develop. But, if you weed the area and prune the flowers – really work at it – you will have something beautiful blooming.And, just as a gardener enjoys both the work of gardening and the final result, the process of working on the relationship and not just the benefits from the work, can be enjoyable.If you managed to try out any of these tips, do remember to come back here and post your comments below to share with other readers on your results.To your happiness!Stella 😉