When you first get together with someone, everything seems like roses to you. Your love life is, literally, full of fireworks. As you begin to settle into the relationship, you may find that you enjoy the companionship, but miss the excitement of the first days. It seems like honeymoon period is over! Does it really mean that your love has come to an end?You find that you begin to wonder if he still loves you…Well, the good news is, today you’re going to learn 7 tips that you can apply in your relationship right away to keep the romance alive.
1. The Attraction Factor
Many times after a couple has been together for a while, one or both partners fail to take care of their appearance. Instead of dressing nicely and putting on make up, she lounges around the house plain faced and in sweats. He doesn’t bother to shave on the weekends. When you do this, you are sending a message that being attractive to your partner is no longer important. You’re taking him for granted. If you were trying to impress a new partner, you certainly would work harder than you’re now. So, do no less for the person you love. As we age, we have to work harder at keeping up appearances. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthwhile to color the grey, work out to maintain your weight, and do what is necessary to make yourself attractive.
Additionally, sometimes grooming habits can become sloppy when someone becomes comfortable with a partner. A man might not brush his teeth every night or a woman might skip shaving her legs for days. Doing these basic things is a requirement in every relationship. Having said this, it is important for people to know that they are still attractive as they age. Men need to know that losing their hair doesn’t make them any less a catch. But, women are especially vulnerable to the ravages of age. You need to let your partner know that you still find him attractive after all of this time. Tell them in words and show them in touch.
2. Have A Weekly Date Night
When you work, have kids, and have all of the responsibilities that life brings, it’s hard to spend quality time with your spouse. That’s why it is so important to have a weekly date night. If you can get a relative to sit with the kids for free, that’s ideal. You might also consider swapping date nights with another couple where you watch their kids one Friday and they watch yours the next so that you get two free evenings a month. If you have to pay for a sitter, it is going to cut into the money that you have for a date experience, but there are a number of free or low cost things you can do together. If the kids are at someone else’s house, your date night can be at home.
If you are going to stay home, you can have a movie marathon of movies from the year you met. Watch the movie that won the Best Picture Academy award and the one that won the Razzies Award for worst picture. You can play dress up and have a formal dinner at home. Or, read poetry in front of the fire while sipping wine and eating strawberries or cheese. If your date night takes you out on the town, consider going to the museum on the free night – most museums have at least one free or reduced price evening a month. Go to the farmer’s market and eat food from vendors there.
Go to a karaoke bar and sing “your song”. Take a picnic to the beach at sunset and then take a moonlit stroll. The possibilities for cheap date nights are endless. Make a commitment to spend this time together.
3. Keep Things In The Bedroom Exciting
It’s easy to fall into a sexual rut. In the early phase of a relationship, sex is hot. As you settle into the relationship, it may become routine. But, it’s not difficult to revive your sex life – and it’s a lot of fun! One complaint is that you always use the same positions. Get out the Karma Sutra (or just the Joy of Sex) and see if some acrobatics doesn’t get the blood flowing again.
If you have a routine where you always have sex at the same time (wash your face, brush your teeth, have sex…), try mixing up the time a little. Have sex in the morning. Meet for a lunch time quickie. The memories of the unusual timing when you had sex will make the standard times even more enthralling. Similarly, if you have an erotic desire at an “inconvenient time,” fulfill it. Seduce him to get into bed when he’s in the middle of doing dishes, reading the newspapers or watching TV (but try not to do it when he’s in the middle of watching his favorite match!). If he gets some food on his face, lick it off. See where it leads.
Don’t let sex fall into a routine. Take turns being the giver and the receiver. Use massage to let hands wander where they normally wouldn’t. And use both verbal and non-verbal cues to let your partner know when they’ve done something different that you like. Have sex anywhere but the bedroom for a month. You will find the excitement of the taboo makes your relationship tick again. Even having sex in a different room of your house will shake things up.
Make a point of taking showers together a couple of times a week. While you may or may not end up having stand up sex, there’s something erotic about washing each other and caring for each other. A very romantic alternative is to take a bubble bath together. Another tip to keep romance alive is to go to bed at the same time. Many times, one partner likes to stay up later than the other. But the time right before you go to sleep is excellent for pillow talk which keeps you emotionally connected. You’re also more likely to have sex if you’re both in the same room at the same time! If you’ve really fallen into a rut, skip sex for a while. You could even try “Kosher Sex” where there’s no touching between men and women for two weeks a month. By the time you get back into bed together, you’re ready!
4. Talk About Sex
It’s not enough to be getting laid occasionally. Sex takes up only the briefest portion of our lives. But, there’s no limit to the amount of time we can spend talking about it! Couples who talk about sex are half as likely to have an affair! You regularly talk about work, the kids, bills you need to pay. But, we often don’t put sex on our regular conversation list. For a relationship to succeed you have to have an open line of communication and be able to talk about ANYTHING. Poor communication can destroy any relationship.
Talking about sex can be sexy. It’s a wonderful thing to reminisce about the good times. But, there’re times when you need to talk about the problems in your sex life. If you’re not enjoying sex, you need to let your partner know that too. When you talk about sexual problems in your relationship, be careful not to criticize your partner. This is an issue for both of you and fault does not lie with one party. It’s something you need to work on together.
You shouldn’t be pushy about the issue. Make sure that your partner has had the time to digest what you’ve told him before you bring the issue up again. You need to be a good listener. While you may perceive a problem one way, your partner may have an entirely different take on the matter. You probably aren’t the only one to perceive that there is a problem, but he may not have been able to bring the subject up. Once you’ve opened the door, he may be able to comment on it. And you may find that it’s you that has the problem.
5. Celebrate Special Occasions
Once you have been together long enough to have an anniversary, you need to start celebrating special occasions. When you’re in a relationship of any length, things become routine. Special occasions become a time for you to step outside of your routine and celebrate your relationship. Watch your wedding video or look through your wedding/engaging photo album together. It will help to bring back memories of the special day that you had forgotten.
If you’re only going to get dressed to the nines and eat at the finest restaurant once a year, make it your anniversary. This emphasizes that your relationship is worth making a big deal out of. Another idea is to relive your first date. Go to the same restaurant or venue. If your man had brought daisies back then, hint to him to bring you a bunch again. If you had worn a red dress, pick out one of a similar color. Try to recapture the excitement of the first time you were together.
If you can afford it, have a weekend getaway for your anniversary. Go to a romantic bed and breakfast or just go camping under the stars and zip your sleeping bags together.
You can spend money on Dom Pérignon or on weenies and marshmallows. The point is that you are spending some quality time together away from home. (Make sure to make arrangement for someone to take care of the kids!) If it is a milestone anniversary, (1st or any that ends in a 5 or 0), plan a party to share your love with all of your friends and family.
6. Talk to Your Partner Every Day
When you first fell in love, you probably couldn’t imagine that there was a time when you wouldn’t talk to the person every single day. But, now even though you live together, sometimes you cannot find any time to have a conversation. One of the keys to keeping romance alive is to have time every day when you can talk. Asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home doesn’t count. You should set aside at least fifteen minutes a day to have a real conversation.
If you don’t have children, making a point of having a sit down dinner each evening can be an excellent way to connect. If first thing in the morning works better for you, have a sit down breakfast. If you do have children present at meals, taking a walk every day after dinner not only lets you have a chance to chat, but you also get a little exercise!
At the very least, get together at the end of the day and spend a few minutes in bed making pillow talk before one or both of you goes to sleep. It is important to have a few minutes every day when you know you are going to be able to connect with your partner.
7. Show Your Appreciation
You can show your appreciation for your partner in ways big and small. For instance, after he takes out the trash, simply saying “thanks for taking out the trash” not only reinforces the behavior, it lets him know that you appreciate the role he is playing in maintaining the house. When a spouse goes out of their way to do a big job, it is especially important to show your appreciation. For instance, if he stayed up late typing up an important sales report for you, him out to dinner the next day or even offer to wash the car in return.
Making a routine of appreciation is a good idea. Just giving him a quick kiss every time he comes home from work is a powerful signal that you appreciate him in your life. Make a point of telling him you love him at least once a day. Be creative, but make sure that before he goes to sleep at night that he’s heard it at least once.
Do creative or innovative things once in a while to show you appreciate your spouse. For instance, write “I love you” with one of your old lipsticks on the bathroom mirror. Or, put a love note in his pack lunch. You can also go out of your way to do something your partner enjoys but you hate. He’ll sense your appreciation for him when you present him with tickets to the latest match if he loves football but it puts you to sleep. You’ll score even more points if you stay awake during the match! Make a point of showing your appreciation for your partner often and in a variety of ways.
Falling in love is relatively easy. Staying in love takes more work. If you make the effort to keep the romance alive, your relationship will flourish. Think of your relationship as a garden. If it is neglected, ugly weeds will develop. But, if you weed the area and prune the flowers – really work at it – you will have something beautiful. And, just as a gardener enjoys both the work of gardening and the final result, the process of working on the relationship and not just the benefits from the work, can be enjoyable.